Motherhood is a great art, you have to learn it' (Osho)

So, I have been reading up on Osho recently, with a little trepidation... having read or heard snippets of his beliefs seemingly against child-bearing, marriage and the family... often from people who have 'chosen spirituality over parenthood'. Since I disagree that spirituality and parenthood are mutually exclusive I had read no further; but I am humbled to find I agree with much of what he says... in context. Osho's words of wisdom have really inspired my parenting this last week and enabled me to accept my role, responsibility and desires with more honesty.

‘If you go deep into the neurosis of humanity, you will always find the mother, because so many women want to be mothers but they don’t know how to be.’ 

‘One should knowingly become a mother. You are taking one of the greatest responsibilities that a human being can take. Motherhood is a great art; you have to learn it.’

Wow... so my heart dropped when I read this. The responsibility is overwhelming, the old adage returns; ‘your parents, they fuck you up'. But it is true. The child's first deep relationship, first love is with the mother and then family members. This is a huge responsibility and will totally shape the child's life. Staring this fact straight on enabled me to feel my fear and guilt, my panic actually at all the things that have been far from perfect, far from truly loving in my son's life and our relationship already. Especially as I came into motherhood unplanned and in societal terms ‘unprepared’. 

Breathing through the fear, I came to a place of relief and elation, acknowledging that mothering is a huge process of growing, of becoming. Since I passionately want to grow towards the Unconditional Love the mother figure represents, I’m in! In for the learning, I sign up to take this task seriously, in its enormity and open to all I can learn.

Osho lists four points in ‘The Book of Woman’ on the art of mothering (paraphrased by me):

1.    1. Never treat the child as yours, never possess the child. It comes through you but is not yours. God has only used you as a vehicle, a medium, but the child is not your possession. Love but never possess the child. Treat the child with deep respect.

2.     2. Give the child freedom – freedom to explore the world. You help him to become more and more powerful in exploring the world, but you never give him directions. You give her energy, you give her protection, you give her security, all that she needs, but you help her to go farther away from you to explore the world.’ You give your child the freedom to do ‘bad’ as well as ‘good’.

3.    3.‘Don’t listen to morality, don’t listen to religion, don’t listen to culture –listen to nature. Whatsoever is natural is good – even if sometimes it is very difficult for you… (i.e. leading to social embarrassment…)

4.    4. Give love, but never give a structure. Give love, but never give a character. Give love but freedom has to remain in tact.

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I had a difficult morning this week; I was very ‘in my head’ worrying about work and life decisions. My son couldn’t get to sleep in the evening which ate up ‘my’ evening. The next morning I woke super early to practice yoga and meditation in preparation for work, and he woke up an hour before he usually does. I sank into feelings of panic, resentment and grumpiness as I made his breakfast and dressed him... Osho states,

‘Don’t think of mothering as duty – the day you do something dies, the relationship is broken, without respect… thus without love.’

This was it, I had lost hold of the present moment, i had lost respect for my son and my role. I was in fear from facing new challenges in my adult life, thus I was out of love with myself and therefore unable to love my son. As may be understandable, disputing a lemon pip in the pancake you just made at 6am, I had lost the joy. But the beauty is, joy can be regained at ANY TIME, through deciding to come back to the present moment, coming back to gratitude, and opening the heart into giving love in abundance without expectation of return. Even when you feel you have run out of love or patience… there is that tiny drop more. This is sacred work.

‘Sacrifice comes from the word sacred. When you do it joyfully, it is sacred.’

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So, how to cultivate the feeling of joy, how to alleviate duty? BE SOFT, take time wherever you can for meditation, celebration and laughter:

‘In the first place, bringing a child into the world is a very risky affair. But even if you want that, at least bring a child who will be totally different in this world – who will not be miserable, who will at least help the world – who will not be miserable, who will at least help the world to be a little more celebrating. He will bring a little more festivity into the world… a little more laughter, love, life.

           

So for these days, be celebrating. Dance, sing, listen to music, meditate, love. Be very soft. Don’t do anything hectic, in a hurry. Don’t do anything with tension. Just go slowly. Slow down absolutely. A great guest is to come – you have to receive him.’

Osho speaks with refreshing bluntness about the systems of parenting, family and marriage in the world at large. If you are conscious individual, it seems to me Osho is not condemning conscious families, marriage or parenting. He invites us to really look at the socially-constructed structures we live in, and what we are cultivating in the soul of our children. As I breathe into the responsibility of mothering and demonstrating Love to a child, I see more how it is ‘a village that raises a child.’

When I put Mabon, my son, to bed this week he said,

‘Mummy, I think I am a very amazing child. And I thnk I am a very lucky child.’

I agreed and asked him what made him feel this way, and he replied ‘Because SO MANY people carry me when I am tired.’

A friend had carried up a steep jungle path on the way back from the beach that evening, and another friend had inspired him to play in the sand for hours to see if the ‘water always wins’ when manipulating its path and current. THANK YOU to the shining wonderful friends in our life who share their time, give their interest, compassion, strength, skills and playful hearts… You parent completely in these moments, igniting his fire, showing him about the world and love.